The information on the psychology of social and interpersonal relationships that "is" being made available to the average person is often focused on concepts that are either too simplistic to be practical, or presented in a technical language that is far too complex to be helpful for us to effectively increase our consciousness on these important subjects. Stated simply, the majority of psychological knowledge available to us is not very helpful when navigating the difficult social challenges and interpersonal relationship challenges we face in our adult lives.
We do not teach people how to take care of themselves using sophisticated medical terminology, so why do we insist on using sophisticated language to talk about the psychology of common day-to-day social and interpersonal interactions? For example instead of telling a person with a headache to take COOH-C6H4-O-CO-CH3 or acetylsalicylic acid two tabs BID, we would simply tell them to take two aspirins a couple times a day.
It made sense to me very early in my career that a simplified yet accurate psychological language needed to be developed if we wanted to successfully teach basic psychological skills and insights to children in our public school system and increase the psychological intelligence or PQ© of the general public.
It was obvious that attempting to teach basic psychological insights using technically sophisticated psychological language and terms such as: complex neurotic defenses, disassociation, repression, projection, sublimation, object constancy, attachment theory, and suppression was not working. Even as a trained psychotherapist I found it necessary to review these terms from time to time to keep them straight. I certainly never attempted to use this kind of language with my clients.
Twenty five years in private practice as a pastoral psychotherapist designing workshops and writing articles on subjects such as parenting, family counseling, marriage counseling, authentic spiritual growth, the interaction between psychology and religion, and interpersonal relationship skills training for both clients and the general public, led to the development of the simplified psychological educational system I refer to as The Primitive Ego Theory of Human Social and Spiritual Development.
I am convinced that if the basic psychological insights and skills contained in the Primitive Ego Theory could be taught to children in our public school systems the level of psychological sophistication in our country could increase exponentially within a few generations.
For example, instead of talking about the dangers of "projection", we could simply teach our children about blame and how it tends to infantilize us and make us helpless when we refuse to own our own feelings. We could illustrate for them that authentic spiritual growth and growth in self-awareness are identical concepts. We could help them understand that when we are open and willing to embrace the concept that our ego beliefs do not represent "absolute truth"; a concept of mind taught in Eastern spiritual psychology as "not knowing", they will not only live happier lives; their minds will always be open to learning new things. All of these are primitive ego concepts that children could easily understand.
Teaching this kind of insight however would not negate the need for growth and healing that are available through deep meditation work with a spiritual teacher, or through individual therapy with a trained mental health counselor. It is very difficult for our ego to see itself, so the more sophisticated and subtle psychological insights required for healing life's traumas and the wounds of childhood would still require the skills guidance of a well-trained teacher.
We are a decade into the 21st century. It is time that we learned how dangerous it is to allow our emotionally driven, narcissistic primitive ego to continue unconsciously controlling our day-to-day choices and behaviors. We are dangerously past the point in human evolution where growth in human consciousness and self-awareness should continue to be a hit or miss evolutionary process left to chance.
A Brief Look At Our Primitive Ego And How It Functions.
I often refer to our primitive ego, the childhood ego of the unconscious inner-child that resides in each of us, as being similar to the invisible operating system in a computer. Without an operating system our computer would be unable to function. Without our childhood primitive ego, our human psyche would be unable to function.
Most of what we know about the world such as the nature of relationships with others, what is safe, what is dangerous, what brings pleasure, and what brings pain, is all knowledge we learned in childhood. These childhood experiences and learning's are contained in the part of our psyche that we call the primitive ego of our unconscious inner-child.
In other words, the primitive ego of our inner child is our invisible human operating system.
Because our primitive ego is the part of our ego we developed to cope with early childhood, it is not well equipped or mature enough to successfully handle the complex choices and decisions that are required in an adult life. For example, it may have functioned well in childhood, but the tendency of our primitive ego to unconsciously use a black-and-white, either-or thinking process almost always creates conflict.
This is not to say that our ego does not grow and evolve over time; it does. But until we make a conscious decision to intentionally grow in self-awareness and learn to pay attention to the many ways our primitive ego creates conflict for us, our journey toward a more enlightened adult ego consciousness will be a very slow and the unconscious primitive ego of our inner child will continue to determine and control virtually all of our adult thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Because the childhood survival skills of our primitive ego almost always create emotional pain in our personal relationships, we tend to assume or feel that they are bad, shameful parts of ourselves that should be permanently removed from our psyche. This is not only a dangerous assumption for the well being of our self-esteem, it would be an impossible goal to achieve without surgically removing a sizable portion of our brain.
We may not like many of our primitive ego behaviors and survival skills, and we might very much want to transform them, but it is important to remember that the majority of the learned childhood behaviors manifested by our primitive ego are not bad or shameful, they are simply too simplistic to be helpful in adulthood.
Paying Attention: The Transformation Of Our Primitive Ego From Severe To Mild On The Behavioral Continuum
All growth and transformation of the human psyche comes from two basic skills; growth in self-awareness which means the ability to pay careful attention to our thoughts and behaviors, and the ability to sit with them, without guilt, whenever our primitive ego manifests them in the world.
When we learn to pay attention to the thoughts and behaviors that we do not like about ourselves each time they emerge, and when we have learned to patiently sit with them without a sense of shame or judgment that would try to remove them from our awareness, they will eventually disappear effortlessly because they will no longer make sense to us.
So no matter how enlightened we become, and regardless of whether the behaviors of our primitive ego are currently severe or mild, they will always be a part of our psyche but they will always be open to change and transformation if we have the will and the courage to do the intentional work required for growth in self-awareness. Just because we have feelings or thoughts does not mean we have to act on them.
Positive Aspects of Our Primitive Ego
It is also important to recognize that many aspects or facets of our primitive ego are not only beneficial and helpful; they actually define our humanity and can be very useful once we have learned to transform them from severe down to the mild end of the continuum.
For example, our ability to think in extreme black-and-white, either-or categories can easily create emotional categories of "otherness" that support harmful judgmental prejudices, but it is also the mental skill that allows us to differentiate the world into increasingly sophisticated scientific and social categories of reality; an important ability when we want to better understand how our world and the universe function.
In fact, one of the most important criteria social scientists use to measure growth in human consciousness over the five to ten thousand years is our increasing ability to differentiate between the various minutiae of both the social cultures we live in and the physical world that surrounds us.
Without the ability to think in either-or, black-and-white terms, our consciousness would be unable to differentiate. In other words, without the ability to differentiate the world around us, our scientific understanding of the world would be impossible and we would be limited to the simple non-reflexive awareness of other animals; a consciousness unable to differentiate and forever trapped in the present moment.
The Evolution From Primitive Ego To An Enlightened Middlepath Consciousness
So, to briefly summarize, the intentional transformation and evolution of our primitive ego from its tendency to use an extreme black-and-white thinking process into that of a more enlightened middlepath consciousness does not mean that we would lose the ability to differentiate between either-or categories.
Achieving a more enlightened middlepath consciousness simply means that we have achieved an "emptiness of ego" and given up black-and-white "certainty" in our beliefs. As we evolve our consciousness closer to the middle of the black and white continuum, our overall thinking process will become more gray, less emotionally reactive, and less prone to judgmentalism when exploring conflicting or opposing sides of a particular subject, challenge, or issue. We will begin to experience a sense of peace in our interactions with others and less prone to angry outbursts.
Our aggressive need to be right will give way to a more gentle ability called deep listening. We will become less impatient and judgmental of others. Our compassion, empathy and ability to offer mutuality to others; the emotional recognition that their dreams, desires, and fears are equal in importance to our own, will increase. We will find our need for "tribal", us-versus-them, survival of the fittest consciousness will begin to give way to a more systemic sense of "we'ness" in our thinking. We will find it easier to own our own feelings and stop blaming others for how we feel.
And finally, and most importantly, we will begin to effectively heal the low self-esteem and depression that we unknowingly create for ourselves when our narcissistic primitive ego struggles to change the reality of "what is" into what it thinks "should be" rather than simply living with an observing consciousness in the present moment.
Intentionally transforming the childhood survival skills and behaviors of our primitive ego, into less extreme knee jerk reactions to the stimuli we receive from the world we live, in is a clear indication that we have begun our "awakening" to such an enlightened observing ego consciousness.
All of the survival skills, beliefs, and behaviors of our primitive ego become problematic for us when they exist outside of our self-awareness and manifest on the extreme end of their particular continuum.
Awakening to the 21st century reality that our primitive ego behaviors and thoughts need to evolve to the mild end of the behavioral and cognitive continuum; to become more embracing of an observing ego consciousness and enlightened middlepath thinking is one of the most urgent and pressing evolutionary needs of the human species.
The Stonyhill Primitive Ego Theory of Human Social and Spiritual Development was developed to offer not only a coherent theory for the development and evolution of human consciousness, but to also provide the psychological tools and insights needed so-as-to enable the infusion of "intentionality" in the future growth of our species consciousness. PETHSSD is a developmental theory of the human ego that anyone interested in authentic spiritual growth can use to intentionally evolve his or her consciousness.
As readers of the Stonyhill Newsletter you know I have long believed that the concepts of Primitive Ego Theory should be taught at a young age to children in our public school system. The fact that we have incorporated so little of the psychological knowledge we have achieved in the last hundred years into our interactions with others is a dangerous form of ignorance; a body of scholarship and knowledge available to us that we continue to ignore at our peril.
When ignorance is identified, it needs to be named and publically confronted. The concept of remaining silent in the face of ignorance to avoid insulting someone is a luxury we can no longer afford. Virtually all of the violence and conflict we see in the world today is created and supported by one or more of the extreme beliefs or behaviors of our primitive ego. For example:
- The creation of evil, pain, and suffering happens in our own hearts, not out in the world. Until we have eradicated the source of evil within our own hearts, through an intentional growth in our self-awareness, we should not be blaming evil and violence on the devil. To do so is a dangerous form of psychological ignorance.
- When we mock the concept that there is a child psyche inside each of us and that its primitive ego is controlling most of our "adult" emotions, cognitive thinking, and behaviors, it is a form of psychological ignorance.
- Because it is extremely difficult for our ego to see itself, when a person arrogantly claims to "know" himself or herself but has never intentionally grown in self-awareness, that too is a form of psychological ignorance.
- When we are unwilling to own our own feelings and insist on blaming other people or situations for making us feel the way we do, that too is another form of psychological ignorance. Blaming others is like asking another person to take an aspirin because we have a headache. Unfortunately, it is a very common form of psychotic thinking.
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Whenever we reject the reality of "what is" because it does not conform to what our primitive ego beliefs think reality "should be" is another very common form of psychological ignorance.
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When we find ourselves being judgmental, intolerant, lacking in empathy or mutuality toward those outside of our "tribe" (our religion, our nation, our political party, our race, our sexual orientation, our gender, our age group, etc.) simply because they think differently, behave differently, or look different, we are guilty of psychological ignorance.
We may appear to function as adults, but our civilized "adult" veneer is very thin. Whenever we find ourselves being reactive, aggressive, angry, creating conflict, threatening violence, manifesting a prejudice, being judgmental, or experience intolerance simply because someone is different in some way, we are operating out of our primitive ego and clearly manifesting a form of psychological ignorance.
I have prepared a chart with a brief outline of some of the basic unconscious survival skills, cognitive beliefs, and emotional knee-jerk behaviors commonly used by our primitive ego. The list (http://www.stonyhill.com/pdf/summary-common%20-aspect-of-primitive-ego.pdf) describes each of the common traits of our primitive ego on a continuum between mild to extreme and illustrates how they are unhelpful and tend to create conflict when they are a) used in the adult world and b) manifest on the extreme end of their continuum.
Because it is always easier to see primitive ego thinking in someone else than it is to see it in our own thoughts and behaviors, and because many of the choices and behaviors we have seen manifested by George W. Bush and his administration over the last eight years are excellent examples of what unconscious primitive ego thinking at the extreme end of the black-and-white continuum looks like, I would encourage readers to use them as illustrative examples when reviewing the various categories of primitive ego that I have included in the chart.
If you download the list outlining some common basic aspects of our inner-child's unconscious primitive ego at (http://www.stonyhill.com/pdf/summary-common%20-aspect-of-primitive-ego.pdf) and think about the greed he has enabled in our financial systems through his dismantling of financial oversight, his arrogant isolationism and his unilateral survival of the fittest need to control, and the emotionally driven, anti-intellectual policies of his administration, they will clearly illustrate the predominance of primitive ego thinking that has been directing the course of our nation.
As readers of the Stonyhill Newsletter already know, I have very little regard for the policies and decisions of President Bush and his administration over the last eight years, but my objective is not to bash George W. Bush; it is simply to point out that he is an excellent example of a person who uses black and white primitive ego thinking.
Had President Bush and his administration understood Primitive Ego Theory, I have no doubt that our country would have been governed in a very different manner for the last eight years. Had the voters understood Primitive Ego theory, I doubt he would have been voted into office. And I have no doubt that if members of congress had understood Primitive Ego Theory, they would not have supported many of his decisions and policies.
Primitive Ego Theory is not a theory to replace modern psychological theory. Nor is it meant to replace or diminish the importance of mental health therapy. It simply makes the important basic psychological concepts and insights, that we have learned in the last century about the human mind and how it functions, understandable and teachable.
Primitive Ego Theory not only teaches how to identify the presence of the unconscious inner-child residing in each of us, it also teaches us how to pay attention when our primitive ego manifests an unhelpful, reactive, knee-jerk behavior.
I believe that the Primitive Ego Theory is an excellent tool for those interested in developing the skills needed to evolve and mature their consciousness, to intentionally grow in self-awareness, to achieve an authentic spiritual growth, and to embrace an enlightened evolutionary spirituality.
3) SPIRITUAL PRACTICE
The list on the Stonyhill website at http://www.stonyhill.com/pdf/summary-common%20-aspect-of-primitive-ego.pdf outlines some common aspects of the primitive ego psyche that lives in each of us and is an excellent tool for anyone interested in learning to pay attention to the manifestations of their primitive ego. I recommend taking one item from the list and spending the next thirty days paying attention every time your primitive ego manifests that behavior or thought.
At the end of thirty days, pick another aspect of primitive ego that you can relate to and spend the next thirty days paying attention to both the aspect you chose for the first thirty days and the one you have chosen for the second thirty days. Each month you can add a new aspect to your list.
Remember, there is no shame involved. Just keep paying attention every time the aspect you have chosen is manifested. Eventually, over time, your ability to pay attention to the behaviors you are manifesting in any given moment will increase. Over time your self-awareness will increase. With increased self-awareness comes increased ability for choice.
"I am "shocked" that markets did not work as anticipated. "I made a mistake in presuming that the self-interests of organizations, specifically banks and others……that they were best capable of protecting their own shareholders and their equity in the firms."
Alan Greenspan
"Our primitive ego has a strong tendency to see data that confirms our own beliefs and prejudices more vividly than data that contradicts them. Until we have learned to mature and evolve our collective primitive ego and its tendency to focus on its own self interest, there needs to be clear limitations, restraints, and oversight of all individual or collective action, and of all public policies. Removing congressional oversight is a sure path to the consequences of greed and the chaos and suffering greed brings to others. We are slowly evolving our collective consciousness as a species, but we are a long ways from enlightenment."
Dick Rauscher
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