Everyone wants to be happy. The problem is most people are looking in the wrong direction. They are convinced that happiness will, in some way, come to them from the world around them; a new job perhaps, maybe a new car. Unfortunately, what the world brings, the world can also take away. Jobs go stale, and new cars begin to rust. We soon realize any happiness we might have felt was only transitory.
True happiness and authentic spiritual growth are always the result of an inner focus. Both are directly linked to growth in self-awareness, and growth in self-awareness comes directly from our observing ego's ability to observe, pay attention, and "sit with" our primitive ego when it is unconsciously controlling our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In other words they both depend on our observing ego's ability to acknowledge and pay attention to the primitive ego of our unconscious inner-child.
Most of the pain and conflict we experience in both our personal lives and our relationships with others comes from our primitive ego; the psyche of our unconscious inner-child attempting to use the survival skills of very early childhood to protect us as adults. The primitive ego of our inner-child is too simplistic to effectively cope with the complexity of the modern adult world. Its high level of narcissism is far too black-and-white, and too lacking in compassion and mutuality to be effective.
In this issue of the Stonyhill Newsletter we will look at our primitive ego's use of "vertical power" to control others; a "power over" often referred to as a "survival of the fittest" mentality. For example, as young children we learned that we felt safer when we were in control; if "we" could decide who could play with "our" toys. We felt safer when we could "win" and when we were "right". Being "right" meant that we could avoid criticism and blame. When other kids deferred to us or were afraid to challenge us it gave us a sense of control that helped us manage our anxiety as we tried to make sense of the confusing adult world around us. The more aggressive our behavior, the more we were able to control those around us. Aggressive behavior soon became one of our primitive ego's more important survival skills.
Historically, an aggressive primitive ego was often beneficial. In primitive times, when pro-creation was the primary survival imperative, aggressive survival of the fittest thinking was an intrinsic and important part of the human psyche. It helped us survive the physically dangerous world in which our early ancestors had to live. Aggressive tribes or individuals that collected the most food, had the biggest cave, the strongest warriors, the warmest clothing, the sharpest spears, the most rocks to throw, and the smartest leaders, were the tribes that survived. Weaker tribes or individuals were often unable to survive the long winters or the many dangerous predators, both human and animal, that hunted them.
In other words, the aggressive "survival of the fittest" thinking process of our primitive ego not only helped us manage our own anxiety in childhood, it was the primary survival skill used by our early ancestors to insure their survival. Over time, as our consciousness grew and matured, and the threats to our survival became less physically violent, the aggression of our primitive ego became less socially acceptable. More sophisticated mental survival skills began to replace the older physical survival skills.
Over time we learned to socially mask or hide the aggression of our primitive ego. We developed more creative "socially acceptable" paths to exercise vertical power "over" others. For example, bosses began to exercise power over employees; teachers over students; whites over blacks; the wealthy over the poor; men over women; the young over the elderly; the healthy over the sick; the haves over the have-nots; the educated over the less educated. The list is endless. Regardless of the cultural acceptability of these social titles or categories, all of them have given us "social permission" to exercise our primitive ego's aggressive use of vertical power over other human beings.
Stated simply, virtually every political, corporate, religious or educational institution ever created by the human psyche has been based on the aggressive vertical power of our inner-child's primitive ego. It is no wonder there has always been so much violence and injustice in the world.
This is true even in our mainline religions.
Today, as in the past, conservative and fundamental churchgoers embrace religion as a way to mask or legitimize aggressive "power over" others under the thin veneer of a moral or religious righteousness. Their literal interpretation of the creeds and faith beliefs of our imperialistic mainline religions gives them permission to manifest their black-and-white primitive ego aggression; their need to control others, behind a socially acceptable justification called "in the name of God". Aggressive "power over" is seen clearly in the subordinate role of women and the judgmental rejection of homosexuals in our mainline religions. The majority of our mainline religions continue to embrace a vertical power, male dominated clergy structure or ecclesiastical hierarchy. The vertical power of our cultural primitive ego is clearly alive and well within our mainline religions.
Developmental theorists such as Piaget and Kernberg believe that most humans eventually achieve the ability to manifest a "normal" or matured cognitive sense of self-esteem or self-regard; even when they are stressed. It has been my experience that very few people are able to successfully maintain control of their primitive ego's survival of the fittest aggression when they feel vulnerable or emotionally threatened. Our primitive ego has a very limited ability to differentiate, or sustain a sense of mutuality; the ability to intellectually and emotionally separate "me" from "not me". As a result, only "me" matters to our narcissistic primitive ego; only "me" is "right"; only "our" beliefs are true. When our primitive ego feels threatened, "not me" is emotionally experienced as the enemy.
In other words, our primitive ego can appear to have the same calm abilities as our adult "observing ego" in normal day-to-day relationships, but unlike our mature observing ego, our primitive ego quickly looses its sense of wholeness when it feels emotionally vulnerable. When threatened or challenged, our primitive ego fragments and collapses into non-empathic, aggressive, black and white thinking, and defensive blame; an aggressive "me" oriented black and white thinking process that manifests a radical lack of mutuality and compassion.
One look at the level of global violence is conclusive proof that the aggressive, vertical power of our collective primitive ego has unquestionably outlived its usefulness. Over population is rapidly becoming a critical global issue; clear evidence that pro-creation, the dominant survival imperative of our early ancestors is no longer valid or necessary. Using aggressive vertical power to build a compassionate global culture is a contradiction in terms and is clearly threatening the future survival of our human species and our very way of life.
Only a middlepath spirituality based on a co-creative sense of working more cooperatively "with" others has the potential to create a peaceful global culture. The goal of happiness that remains so painfully outside the grasp of so many will never be achieved through the narcissistic self-focus of our aggressive primitive ego. Happiness is not an individual achievement. It is achieved only in community.
Happiness is a state of mind that will allude us until every human being on the planet is no longer struggling with injustice, hunger, or the rejection that comes from judgmental primitive ego beliefs. Stated simply, happiness requires that we take seriously the Golden Rule and begin to treat others the way we want to be treated. And that will not happen until we are willing to deal with the aggressive primitive ego beam in our own eye and stop aggressively obsessing over the speck in our neighbors.
Both of these important spiritual goals will be achieved only through the use of horizontal power; the ability to dialogue, offer justice and compassion to all persons, to embrace radical diversity, and offer true equality to others. Until we replace the aggressive, vertical power thinking of our collective primitive ego with the more enlightened and compassionate consciousness of our collective observing egos we will continue to create conflict, violence, suffering, and unhappiness for ourselves and others.
In other words, the path to individual happiness will appear before us "only" when we are able to offer compassion and mutuality to others, and embrace a true middlepath evolutionary spirituality; the intentional "conscious evolution" of human consciousness. We have no power to change anything in the universe except ourselves. But when we do, the entire universe changes.
PERSONAL THOUGHTS
Mary Ann from Wisconsin writes "I have been reading about the primitive ego in your Newsletter for some time. I have been trying to pay attention to my behaviors and inner attitude; to pay attention to the energy that I am sending into the universe. But I am getting discouraged. No matter how hard I try I am not able to get rid of my primitive ego. I still find myself being judgmental in my thinking and getting angry when my husband and children get on my nerves. Help!"
Dear Mary Ann,
You are speaking for all of us. And yes it is discouraging when we find ourselves responding to the world around us with the all too familiar knee-jerk responses we know come from the beliefs and emotions of our primitive ego. Unfortunately, that is how our primitive ego works.
What is important is to accept the reality that our primitive ego beliefs from childhood, and the knee-jerk responses that come from the various survival skills of childhood are never going to go away. We will always have the knee-jerk responses. The primitive ego of our inner-child will always want to use aggressive vertical power. We will always tend to be narcissistic and self-focused more often than we are comfortable with. We will always want to believe that our opinions and beliefs represent "the" truth. We will always feel anger when others disagree with us or criticize us. In other words, the only way to permanently get rid of our primitive ego is to get a lobotomy….which of course I would never recommend for anyone. ☺
Fortunately, the journey toward enlightenment is much more straightforward than a lobotomy. Once we truly accept that our primitive ego will always be with us, it makes the task of taming our primitive ego and strengthening our observing ego much easier. As I'm sure you have heard me say, growth in self-awareness comes without effort when we learn to simply pay attention every time our primitive ego knee-jerks happen.
If we are willing to pay attention to the energy we are sending into the universe moment by moment, situation by situation, the time between our automatic primitive ego knee-jerk response and our conscious choice or decision to manifest a more enlightened, compassionate energy will grow shorter and shorter. Eventually, we will come to the point where we simply note the primitive ego energy within us and the compassionate energy we choose to manifest will be the only energy that others see.
Truly enlightened people are still fully human. The only difference is the control they have over their behaviors and the energy that they offer the universe. They "know" that all of their beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and emotions are nothing more than mental illusions generated by the aggression and narcissism of their primitive ego. What they are able to consistently offer the universe is simple compassion and mutuality.
I focus on the primitive ego in the Newsletter because I am convinced our primitive ego beliefs, and the knee-jerk reactions created by our primitive ego, are the primary cause of our unhappiness and depression. Authentic spiritual growth is not possible until the aggressive energy of our primitive ego is tamed by the intentional growth of our observing ego; a growth in self-awareness that comes only when we are willing to pay attention every time our primitive ego manifests an energy that we are not comfortable manifesting.
My sense, based on your question, is that you are doing fine. Authentic spiritual growth is a slow process that takes most of us a lifetime to achieve. The day will come when you will realize that the majority of the energy you offer the universe is true compassion; and that it is increasingly manifesting from the conscious choices you are able to make moment by moment.
Keep the faith. You are growing. Your question reflects your growth.
Thank you for giving voice to a concern that I'm sure others are wrestling with.
SPIRITUAL PRACTICE
One of the most effective ways to learn about your primitive ego is to pay attention to any negative or aggressive energy inside of you; thoughts, emotions, judgments, prejudices, or feelings. Anger, irritation, and aggressive behavior become close friends on the journey toward the evolution of an enlightened consciousness. It is difficult for them to hide from our awareness. They give us a "heads up" that our primitive ego is taking control of our psyche. All we have to do after the "heads up" is be willing to pay attention and quietly sit with the energy of our primitive ego that we are uncomfortable with. Our observing ego is simply that; a consciously observing ego. It pays attention.
Over time we will become aware of how "unconsciously" we have been living our lives; sleep walking through life. When our observing ego begins to "awaken", the smells are sharper, the sounds are clearer, the light is brighter, and the color of the flowers that surround us are more vibrant. The world becomes truly three-dimensional when we learn to live fully present in the moment.
QUOTES
Enlightenment comes from looking at the wilderness, the creation, with eyes of awe. It is not something that comes through reason or through study at a university, because enlightenment is not knowledge, but a change in perspective; the wilderness is not an enemy to be conquered, but a gift to be loved. Enlightenment is a "gestalt shift" in which the world is viewed differently. Excerpts from A Death on the Barren by George Grinnell
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